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Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - And Keep - Love, by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
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Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking audiobook, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory - the most advanced relationship science in existence today - can help us find and sustain love.
Attachment theory forms the basis for many best-selling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships - until now. Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.
In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: "anxious" people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. "Avoidant" people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. "Secure" people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides listeners in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers a wealth of advice on how to navigate relationships more wisely, given a listener's attachment style and that of his or her partner. An insightful look at the science behind love.
- Sales Rank: #737603 in Books
- Published on: 2013-07-02
- Released on: 2013-07-02
- Formats: Audiobook, CD, Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 6
- Dimensions: 5.75" h x 1.00" w x 5.25" l, .35 pounds
- Running time: 420 minutes
- Binding: Audio CD
- 6 pages
From Publishers Weekly
According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, one™s adult romantic partnerships have patterns similar to those one has as a child with one™s parents. Our individual attachment styles are thus, they conclude, hardwired into our brains. Focusing on three main attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant), the authors explain the biological facts behind our relationship needs, teach readers how to identify their own and loved ones™ attachment styles, and warn of the emotional price of connecting with someone with drastically different intimacy needs. Teaching readers communication skills to breach these differences, the authors stress that people have very different capacities for intimacy, and that partners must ensure each other™s emotional well-being. Chock-full of tips, questionnaires, and case studies, this is a solidly researched and intriguing approach to the perennial trials of œlooking for love in all the right places and improving existing relationships. (Jan.)
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
Review
Selected as the #1 Personal Development audio of the year at Audible.com
"A groundbreaking audiobook that redefines what it means to be in a relationship."―John Gray, PhD., bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
About the Author
Amir Levine, M.D. is an adult, child, and adolescent psychiatrist and neuroscientist. He graduated from the residency program at New York Presbyterian Hospital/Columbia University and for the past few years Amir has been conducting neuroscience research at Columbia under the mentorship of Nobel Prize Laureate Eric Kandel. Amir also has a passion for working with patients and it is in this context, while working with mothers and children in a therapeutic nursery, that he first discovered the power of attachment theory. Amir lives in New York City.
Rachel Heller, M.A. studied at Columbia University with some of the most prominent scholars in the field of social psychology. She now works with families and couples as a psychologist in private practice. Rachel lives in Israel.
Most helpful customer reviews
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Should be required reading!
By Paul McCloud
This book really should be required reading for anyone BEFORE they get into a relationship! I've recommended this book to many friends now and every time I recommend the book I make a joke about how humbling it was to read this book. Let me explain.
I've always considered myself, like most people probably do, to be a complicated, layered individual...unable to boxed in or defined by a particular group or belief system!....then I read this book. Never before had I stumbled upon a psychological model that better described my actions, both in and out of the relationship context. With this new found knowledge I was able to objectively identify, understand and eventually begin to correct certain destructive emotional and psychological patterns within the relationship context. That ability has been incredibly important in my most recent relationship...something that I probably would have stepped away from had I not read this book and understood my avoidant attachment style.
The reason I gave this four stars is because the book was so focused on individuals that were NOT in a relationship. My relationship is the classic avoidant & anxious combination. Yet we decided to leverage this new found knowledge to do the hard work necessary for us to achieve a secure / secure relationship! I do believe this is possible, though hard work, and I have seen results first hand in my relationship that support that theory. However, I would have loved to seen a greater portion of this book dedicated to exercises and tools that couples could use who are in the very situation that this book is encouraging you and teaching you to avoid when possible.
51 of 56 people found the following review helpful.
Very Limited in Its View
By J Sutton
As a mental health professional, I was looking for a book on healing attachment problems and that is NOT this book. It is a very useful read for someone single or ready to get out of a stuck relationship, seeking to gain insight and make better attachment- driven relationship decisions. I give it a low rating because of its premise that virtually all your emotional relationship problems will be solved by being with a securely attached romantic partner. While I believe that a great amount of drama and pain can probably be avoided by this approach; I believe it is superficial at best and does not bring healing to the wounds that created anxious or avoidant attachment styles (which remain with you until healed), and so I see this type of an approach as a bandaid or stepping stone.
In order to find a secure base; a refuge from the storms of life, we cannot rely solely upon another but must find and reclaim a home within ourselves, this is because no one can provide all of what we need or all of the time. To those seeking deep healing, I recommend instead: Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hahn, and You are Not Your Brain.
I would only recommend this book to someone securely attached who is dating an anxiously attached person and seeking guidance or to someone single feeling frustrated in the dating pool who is only looking for guidance on selecting the best mate.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
life changing book for me!!!
By jlf
This is so relevant and easy to understand that I read it in 2 days. I can be a very anxious partner, afraid to say anything that might rock the boat. And I can be so anxious that my friend, who is pretty secure, becomes avoidant. "not this again, here we go again" is how he sometime feels witch my constant insecurity.
The 3rd day after getting the book, my friend was feeling stressed and was a tiny bit critical, and I do admit that what I said was poorly worded and warranted his response. but I was afraid this would become the new norm, even though 2016 has been a better year for us. So I told him that I read in the book that when I feel anxious, I need to deal with it by myself, so I could go play cards and he could go home and have some time for himself. He said that sounded good, and then added, "unless it can't be resolved." Because I hadn't been critical of him, he felt safe offering to listen.
The first 30 minutes was his monologue about his own issues that he argues with himself about. I wondered if I was going to get to talk at all! But he wasn't being critical about me, he needed to say all that stuff about himself and his issues, and then he felt safe enough to listen. I was able to minimize my comments from being critical, labeling them as my fears, things I didn't know how to respond to in a helpful way,etc. Many things, he said he could see why I felt that way, or why it was confusing. He did mentioned things he does for me because he cares, but he didn't feel defensive, it was a conversation. Since I didn't blame him for my insecurities, I could even say why some things didn't' seem fair without him feeling attacked. After 3 hours of super communication, we went out to for ice cream to celebrate.
And my challenge continues, as an intimacy junkie, I need to find ways to be intimate that make him feel good, not just intimate as in problem solving.
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